Breaking the Awkward Silence 

“This is a gift but it comes with a price.” – FATM

The internet doesn’t fade. It just sits there. As today becomes yesterday and yesterday becomes last week, last month. As I sat, more like slumped on my sofa I could feel the awkwardness of this space (This blog). But I was too tired to say much. I was looking out into the world like as if I lived in a cave and the world was somehow happening in outside that started at the entrance. I wanted to get up and walk out, but the gravity of this sofa was more than I could manage. 
It was dark in here except for the glow of my lap top showing me my own web site that hasn’t changed in now months. Is this what death is like? Or maybe retirement (same thing to a pro athlete maybe?) 
Things got worse before they got better. Returning from Spain, I could tell this was the worst case of Over Training Syndrome I ever had. It took months. It took Acupuncture and a steady diet of maca root and aswagunda before I could manage a good walk. 
Ask me anything about Peaky Blinders, Game Of Thrones, or any of the countless Netflix shows I binged watched when I had planned to be training but don’t ask me about sports; that’s somethings I didn’t want to talk about doing. Yeah: it was DARK. Seriously now I know why non-athletes always seem depressed. Life without movement is depressing. Life without motivation and energy is depressing. Life without passion is, so, well, passionless. It’s obvious to say but profound to experience. When you hate what you love you only have hate and emptiness. 
So yeah. I feel better. I just finished up 10 days of training and loved every second of it. Maybe it’s a blessing to be able to do what you love enough to hate it and it feels like a curse. To live so fully it feels like death. I can’t say, because I was just born this way. It’s my sav-dharma (calling/lot-in-life). What made me great in October made me wrecked in March. Too many winter races. Too many schedule changes: Challenge AC cancelling it’s pro race extended my season 6 months longer than was planned. Too many temptations over the winter when I should have rested: but cross is boss, and Israman was “free” (cost to my body not included) and why WOULDN’T I run up the largest mountain in mainland Spain? It’s JUST ASKING FOR IT?!?!? 
Anyways. Starting over. Starting slowly. Danced with the over training devil and hard to wait for the song to stop. And June is a lovely time to be outside. 
My goals are long term. win the Spartan ultra beast World Championships in October. Crush Israman’s full distance in Jamuary. Defend a few titles along the way like Block Island Tri, and maybe win a few more too. But anyways, I just wanted to break the awkward silence. 

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