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I was chatting with Voodoo Phil and we agree this song is about ironman, this should get you out to train…

See it here

 Re-Education (Through Labor) lyrics

To the sound of a heartbeat pounding away
To the rhythm of the awful rusted machines
We toss and turn but don’t sleep
Each breath we take makes us thieves
Like causes without rebels
Just talk but promise nothing else

We crawl on our knees for you
Under a sky no longer blue
We sweat all day long for you
But we sow seeds to see us through
That sometimes dreams just don’t come true
We wait to reap what we are due

To the rhythm of a time bomb ticking away
And the blare of the sirens combing the streets
Chased down like dogs we run from
Your grasp until the sun comes up

We crawl on our knees for you
Under a sky no longer blue
We sweat all day long for you
But we sow seeds to see us through
That sometimes dreams just don’t come true
Look now at what they’ve done to you

White needle’s buried in the red
The engine roars and then it gives
But never dies
‘Cuz we don’t live
We just survive
On the scraps that you throw away

I won’t crawl on my knees for you
I won’t believe the lies that hide the truth
I won’t sweat one more drop for you
‘Cuz we are the rust upon your gears
We are the insects in your ears
We crawl
We crawl
We crawl… all over you

We sow the seeds to see us through
Our days are precious and so few
We all reap what we are due
Under this sky no longer blue
We bring the dawn long overdue
We crawl
We crawl
We crawl… all over you

My man Eric Hoska is jumping into freezing water on Jan 3rd. Normally I would chip in for that kind of jack ass behavoir for its own sake but it turns out he is raising money for a cyclist who was struck and seriously injuried so its even more ok. 

I gave a dollar for every second he beat me by at a race last year + the number of years older than me he is. At his age this will either stop his heart or be a good ice bath to help with all those old man injuries he has.

 For more info and to contribute to this dude freezing his balls off check out www.hodska.com Please support this.

(check out my Christmass tree, yeah, I know its made of bikes but I did hang a pentegram, er, I mean star)

I will never glow the way you glow… You say you understand, but you don’t understand. You never lived the life I have I lived. That wakes me up at night. You say it looks as though I might, give up the fight. you say don’t fear your dreams, itseasier then it seems. Yuo say I will never fall from hopes so high. But never is a promise, and you can’t afford to lie” -F. Apple

 I have in the past written about xmess and its pagan roots, how things like lights, wreths and trees were not christian per se and thus held a double meaning. Part of that was because dispite my surly nature I am not an xmess hater and wanted to connect to xmess. In fact xmess holds a lot of meaning for me. In my family, which was decivesly not secular, xmess was by far the biggest holiday. As a kid it was tied to a lot of things. Obviously one thing being gifts. Its easy to knock gift giving. In an extremely materialistic society with massive class stratication materialism is an easy target. But that doesn’t mean gifting giving is entirely without purpose. Material support is a form of caring, and by extension a form of love. Providing a place to live for example is a material thing, but we do it out of caring. Same with bail. Get arrested and you are quick to find out who loves you. I don’t call my dog materialist because she loves me when and because I feed her. Feeding her is how I show her I care for her and love her. So when as a kid, for example, I woke up and came downstairs at dawn and opened five gifts to find out I had all five of the lions that formed Voltron (defender of the universe) I was stoked. Side note: I was even more stoked because back them it had cool ass features that you can’t get in toys today because kids hurt themselves by choking or shooting the detachable heads into othr kids eyes. So I was excited for the material item but also because I felt loved. Xmess is even more amazing because parents pass up the chance to claim the love and instead pass it off to Santa, and just smile to themselves.

The other part of xmess was very christian. 364 days we might go through life with out heads down consumed by the day in and day out. For a family I think this is even more true as kids aren’t often big picture thinkers. Xmess was the day we stept back and were Dasien. We reflected on the meta, and even though I never believed there was a son of god, nor that he died for our sins and I would be even more surprised if he rose again and would be down right shocked if he returns to judge the living and the dead, the ideas of peace, hope and love striked deeply within me and did with my family. Xmess was the time of year to look at everything, including the aweful and see if you could find love and in doing so find peace. The key to finding peace is core to catholic dogma, forgiveness. Xmess was a time to forgive and be forgiven. Forgiving and begin forgiven is powerful. Its the first step in letting go. Until you do that you can’t find peace, and without peace love comes out distorted. This process is often called the ”Miracle of Xmess”.

Sadly however there are those who are not functional. They hurt and take and use. They know about this miracle and that the good, want to forgive them and that when the heart softens they will be able to burrow into it like an insect and once again resume being a paricite on the good. This is what I call “the tragedy of xmess.” A famous anarchist Noam Chompsky once said “to believe there is no hope is to ensure there is no hope.” So its not possible to simple be hardened, without detroying hope. I don’t know how to recitfy the miracle and tragedy. But I have recently become more sober (in general not from drug or alcohol which I never consumed). And one thing that recently sober people ask for is “the power to change the thing they can change, accept the things they can’t change and the wisdom to know the difference.” I think maybe that is a good place for me to start, in terms of looking for peace, and hope and feeling rage-less love.
Then again, maybe I have it all backwards and I should simply be humble, and ask for forgiveness myself not only from those I wronged, for which I suspect there are many, but also from myself. Eitheway, at the end of Xmess I will be better off for the process, and of course still able to play with Voltron. 

“There are lots of people leaving town now. Leaving friends and their homes. At night I walk the dog in the dark by the highway all alone. So say goodbye its indendence day. I know the things you wanted that you could not say. But won’t you just say goodbye its independence day. I swear I never meant to take those things away.” Bruce Springsteen

With the end of the year comes the trip to the dentist. My insurance company Oxfuckers (oxford) gives me a tiny sum of money for care so I wait all year so that if something bad happens I have reserves. If all goes well like at the end of year I treat myself to a cleaning and a filling or two. This year we get to pull teeth. Turns out pulling teeth isn’t as hard as the expression “like pulling teeth” is. My dentist thinks I need a shrink: I mash my teeth during the day and grind them at night. They are cracked, chipped and generally a mess As much fun as the dentist is the far more painful event of the day was a visit from the doctor.

 Alex McDonald M.D. http://www.alexmmtri.com was in town for his annual trip to the inlaws and a john hirsch ass kicking in the pool. I have seen alex 4 times this year, here a year ago, twice at ironmans he did and then today. I didn’t ask him but he seems so much more relaxed. He put his medical gig on hold to race full time. After a good first year as a pro with a top 10 ironman result and a kona spot as a pro I think simple knows what he has to do, and is going about doing it. Sadly for me, that means crushing his swim workouts. I should have known I was in deep doggie doo-doo when he showed up with a sports drink. I took one look at his bottle and said “Fuck me”. See if your swimming 60 minutes or less you don’t bother with a sports drink. Sports drink = serious swim. At the 45 minute mark of the workout he said “ok, now the main set.” Doode, what have we been doing during the last 2-3k? Forgive me readers for I have sinned, its been 4 months since my last long swim. My penants were done today. I thought I was all bad ass as I “won” the warm up. he then procceeded to drop me on ever interval after that. He then added stuff like “this is a KP (his coach) special” “you really need to work with him.” Yes I do, but right now his workout and your pace is going to cause me to vomit and then be so bonked that I eat it. At somepoint I was “like doode, seriously how long is this workout?” He was like: “5k, all my workouts are 5k. You could always bail, but then how would you live that down all year?” Pretty good point. I was glad I didn’t ask until we only had 1k left to go. I love Alex. First he is a camel (go conn college) and he married a camel (yeah CC), and even though I am an punk, I have an odd love for my college and people who went there, which isn’t punk, but whatever, go camels!

 The truth is this: it wasn’t bad at all. The lesson here is all positive. When getting back into swimming I can go from 2-3k a workout to 5k without really any problem. So when I get back from spain and do my swim focus I need to recall the confidence I got today from 5k with Alex and be thankful that it looks like we aren’t racing each other much this year. (Below is alex in kona. Dispite his wifes best effort he remains fasion nightmare).

“So what, I am still a rock star and I don’t need you… I wanna get in trouble. I wanna pick a fight.” Pink
This week was another step up in the run focus, with 105k on my feet. The BIG weeks are still ahead, but sunday was a struggle for sure as I was pretty beat. Thankfully the Annachrist is on nearly the same plan for her quest to win her second usatf 50k title. Sadly for me she had good legs and I was in deep trouble. 13k later I was happy to have hung on for dear life and be done for the week hitting my goals in the process.
I was surfing the blogsphere and was reading my man eric hodska’s blog. He is faster and more knoweldgable then me so I take what he says pretty seriously. He was commenting on how December can be a hard month for athletes in terms of motivation. I normally think I am on the same page as my athletes and maybe never noticed how hard this month can be for the CREW. Darkness, cold weather, major distractions, and the first races no where in sight make this month pretty tough for some.
For me december is a good month for training. Its the first “real” month of training so I am normally pretty excited. Also its a running focused month and running is something I always want to do and its not weather or light (in the city) dependant. Adding more happy-happy-joy-joy is the fact that december workouts are pressure free. There is a lot of focus in my training after the new year but with the first races so far off I am just trying to get out and enjoy the experience, its more fun and less seriously.
Also there is spain looming, which motivates me to get my act together so that I can go there and really make use of the focused training we do there. Spain is a multiplier, the more you bring the more you leave with.
Lastly the holidays are a blessing for me. Work nearly stops and the extra time and energy allows for some good training.
But here is what I say to people not in my position: cut yourself some slack, it december

(my bike on my ride today)

“There are the one that you love, the ones that love you. The ones that make you come. The one ones that make you come unglued. I can’t turn my back on you when you walk away.” Marilyn Manson
A super cute girl I am dating who has the coolest job ever (I forgot how sexy a job can make someone and how unsexy slackers/freeloaders are) which is going to war torn areas to work in ER mash units and who is stateside working in nyc texted me today:

The text read: “be careful, the ER is full of cyclists who got hit by cars or wiped out in the snow.”

I texted back: “you work in places where warlords roll into your tent with ak 47s. I race a bike to pay the bills and you are worried about me? That seems pretty silly.”

I thought I had a good point until I realized I was texting while riding my bike in snow storm in the middle of a city. I didn’t text again until I was running, much safer

 Seriously, after days like today you know you want that last spot in Spain with me…

“Peace is not merely the absence of tension, but the presence of justice.” Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

OH SAD DAY!!!!!!! After over 10 years of faithful service Sue-Bee my car died for the final time. She didn’t owe me anything, like most equiptment I have I got ever inch of of use out of it and have no regrete and a stock pile of memories. The 10 years from 22-32 are hard ones for most. You leave college and struggle to find your path, place and self. These years Sue-Bee was there for me and Union (my dog). We traveled the country for 2 years helping workings stand up for themselves. We lived off of sofas of coworkers and out of hotels. Sue climbed snowy mountains in montana on crazy and awesome back country adventures and got me to the beachs of Maryland where one day I saw a sick and sad puppy who got into the car with us and never left. I alway believe in rescue dogs. With all the dogs put down every year I think its better then buying a pure breed. The only constaint for that puppy was Sue.

When I decided to go to law school I settled down on Block Island for the summer. Union and Flip, my old girl friend Jen’s dog would hang out in Sue. It was home. That summer I started hanging out with this dude out there named Jim and we did some swimming biking and running for fun, I even entered some races. For 3 years after that Sue took me to from law school in nyc to DC where Jen was. She knew I-95 so well she could have made the trip herself. In the following years Sue and I made road trips to train and race. She doubled as a locker room, team van, hotel (cargo area was more then big enough to sleep well in) and friend. Nothing helps me think like a long road trip. From my touring days I find seeing the country by car one of the greatest ways to relax, to clear my head and to think and reflect. Add music or a good friend to talk to and Sue became a therapy office, a board room or a work space for outlining ones life.

In recent years Sue shuffled mandy and I to CT. When we first meet she was driving a death trap and I gave her Sue to use. Sues last mission was to bring most of my stuff back to me and to help me gather the pieces of my life as I put my apartment and life back together. Right after that she died. Thanks Sue, I will always remember you foundly; R.I.P.

“I can not maintain a semblance of normal anymore. I’d rather feel pain then try to fit in with you anymore. Ill throw it all away like everbody else. I can finally be myself cause I don’t want to be myself.” Slip Knot
A year ago I got serious about my diet. I had always though I was serious until I meet Jessie from QT2systems. He pointed out that I in fact was not serious about my nutrion and that I was therefore not serious about my racing. interestly he isn’t a blanket hardass. Several pro and age groupers have told me he gave very different advice to them which reinforced the idea that he wasn’t kidding-I sucked and he doesn’t just toss that around.
So I bit the bullet as hard as I could. Honestly I only did about 70 percent of what he told me too. Nevertheless it was enough to make a profund difference in my body composition. I went from 11 percent bf at the start of the season to 8. I raced at 6ish not 9ish. That’s 10 minutes at least on the run.
But here is what I didn’t count one. After 1 year it got a lot easier. It took a ton of effort at first but once I got lean staying lean wasn’t nearly as hard. Of course you can’t “go jan unlich” and blow up like a tic. But its way eaiser to get to 5-6 percent when you only go up to 9 rather than 14.
So for those of you looking to be elite you need to make the investment in your body. One year later and I barely even have to think about it. My habits have changed, my cravings are for healthy food and the work is minumal.

This allows me to focus on all those other things that make me “happy,” like training hard, working up a coaching bizness, running camps and being a lawyer, all the things that make me an adult rather then a child who lives in my parents house and never had a job and who has an over inflated sense of self entitlement. Struggling makes me happy, not that people who never struggled know what type of deeper satification that comes with over coming rather than stealing or having things handed to them.  I am soooo happy to not be a passive agressive fake who takes cheap shots on her barely read blog boring ass blog while hijacking other peoples training camps.

If I tell you what you want to hear will it help you to sleep well at night? Im hungry. Im dirty.Im losing my mind. Everythings fine.” – Tracy Bonham
 

I don’t know what content readers of this blog like, so I go shotgun style touching on a lot of different topics. One thing I enjoy in pro blogs is reflection and ideas on training. So I figured a post on my training might be over due (between depressing pic, outing to metal shows and comments about gay sex between jojo anbd ksq, no judgements). December is tough. Holidaze, law gig, overtime, coaching, sponsors, spain planning, and even training make this a pretty packed month. Light is at a primium, the weather is dicy and distractions are able. Nevertheless for me its time to train. I have found that if I put some focus on running I can do more with less. Less time, less need for warmer weather ect. I also use this for next month-Crapuary. For me I try to follow an NCAA runner protocol with some swimming and cycling but just enough to avoid the Xmess time ass kicking in the pool that Alex Mcdonald wants to hand me and the bike ass kickings Jim and Silke wanna hand me.

A combo of getting dumped and QT2systems.com nutrional planning have me nearly at race weight which is good as I didn’t hit my bmi goals for my first races last year so I hope to really show better early next year. On a side note I was watching ironman kona (and goal setting, my 2009 goal is to get back there to race) and watched St. Croix 70.3 and was determined to place higher at St. Cx next year as a early season peak and I felt a lot of motivation which was a welcomed feeling. I wasn’t sure where my fitness was so this week served as a baseline. I didn’t have a huge week but I also feel good, not shelled, so its something to build on. Here is how it went:
M: 9 + swim T: 7 + ride W: 12 + ride T 5 + swim F 9 + swim S: 14-night court uggg S: 5 hour base ride

So that’s 90k of running plus three swims and 3 rides. That’s about what I was aiming for for around now. A few things to improve on: first off the long rides need to be longer but just getting out the door post nite court is a victory. Also I really need to be doing more x training. This is the time of year for core and flexiblity work and I had a goose egg on it- not ok. On the plus side: I ate soundly, and 90k is a great starting point for milage Also I wanted to take this week slow because I kind wanna push off recovery a bit to take advantage of the 2 slow weeks coming up at work. Ok that’s it for now 70 miles next week anna style.