I could hear in my head, the voice ironman, Milke Riley and I imagined him staring at Jojo of the CREW who raced as he said “jojo you are New Jersey Man. “Man o man, its true. From his quoting of bon jovi, to his generally stank dispotion. Of course that’s only a small part of the Garden State. The other part is a woods, wonderful low traffic roads and some great triathletes. I was doing the sprint as I was still not recovered enough for the half. It took all year but I finally won the swim at a race. Glenn at Xterra Wetsuits put in our agreement that I had to hammer the swim. That clause was there for my benefit. It worked. I had my normally awesome start, and kept waiting for the “real” swimmers to go by. But I picked the best line and when one guy bridged up to me and grabbed my feet I kept the effort high. As we got to the turn I put in a surge. No free rides punk! With a gap I just drove home at an all out effort and got out of the water first. Mandy was on shore waiting for her wave to go off and was screaming at me “your first with at least a 30 second lead.”

I got to my bike and started riding. The course was awesome and a mix of everything and I never got bored. My body was just weak. I kept thinking that I would stop and just take a little nap. But I was winning and that gave me nice motivation. The bike was 19 miles, so I tried to not hammer too hard too make sure I make it to the end. I kept checking over my shoulder but didn’t see anyone. Off the bike the run course started with a tiny 1k lap. I love that because you get to pass through the start finish and get cheered. I saw 2nd place come off the bike and I had a big lead.

 I settled into a nice pace and just kept the tempo high knowing its the last race of the year. Sadly a cop sent me left when the course went right and I headed out on the half ironman course which was different from the sprint. I was like Pied Piper taking the top 5 or so with me. opps. It was a good event and the race director did a ton to put on a good event. Sometimes all that effort can be undone by one bit of bad luck. That’s one reason to invite pros. We scout out courses. A lot of times if there is a problem we find it so the age groupers can have a good race. I just see this as part of my job and its still a fun job that for sure. Next race (cross isn’t racing to me, since I suck to bad to ‘race’ it) isn’t till 2009. Man, that feels so long away but I am so toasted it sounds just about right.

I have a few spots left for the 2009 year. Wanna join us? Here is the info from the update coaching page…

 JOIN THE C.R.E.W.

I am looking to work with athletes who want to work hard, build friendships and improve.

(pic: the CREW sporting HTFU fake tattoos for the St. Croix 70.3 race)

HOW YOU GET YOURS:

Edit this entry.

“I wanna know why Christian’s pray…I smell gunpowder.” Wyclef

People always wounder how I got so lucky. This is a true story. When I was 13 years old a voodoo witch cursed me during a soccer match (Dad hop in here you witnessed it and I think you have the video tape.) Since then I have had magic powers. I did a voodoo spell on Mandy when she wasn’t looking, that how I got a  hot fast girlfriend; I know there any number of you who wonder how I did that, so I am telling you, voodoo. 

After the hexing, I later got extra powers when I got cursed by a Gypsy witch in Gernada, Matt-in-law (my brother in law) was there. I was saving him. Knowing I have magic powers I battled the Gypsy woman all over the Alahmbra and the caves in the mountains and took her powers while arftfully dodging her pine tree thing.   

Recently I used my voodoo powers to help Silke get on the pro team she wanted. (Silke you owe me, my apartment still smells like rotting pumpkin because of that.) Congrats on getting your cat 1 card btw. Shameless plug her. Silke worked with me, then did Strong Like Bull then kicked ass and got a cat 1 card (highest there is) in road cycling.

I lend my voodoo powers to Nutmegman. That is why Jordan Rapp went form Nutmegman to top 3 Ironman and Cait Snow went from it to win Ironman Lake Placid.

Sadly however I can’t use my magic on Palin. She took the steps to protect herself from witchcraft. You can see the video of that here. Its messed up that one of us totally believes in this and that person is running for vice president.

Peeps,

 as I mentioned prior I didn’t wanna end my season just yet and so I gonna go one more time to the startline and see what I got.

I saw on the calander NJ Man a half and sprint. Its a first year race but I chatted with some pros-iz-knows and they all said the course and area are awesome. Located just over an hour from NYC in wooded Clinton NJ so its a perfect close by race for you urban dwellers.

Let me know if you wanna roll, we might have room for ya. We talked the Annachrist your fav USATF 50k champ into making the trip and Mandy will be throwing down as well. I think a few other CREW are rolling as well so it should be a blast.

DETAILS:

SUNDAY 7:30 AM

CLINTON NJ

Sprint and Half.

http://njmultisports.com/ for all kinds of info…

see you there!!!!!

First off mandy is a giving person, so she is giving away all the pics from the event. If you are bad ass enough to race you are likely bad ass enough to steal the photos, so we are just gonna give em to you this time. We understand we are criminals too, er, I mean athletes.

 Check  the pic out here:

Thank to Ken Schultz for taking each and evey pic you see there. Yeah, that guy worked as hard behind the lens as some one did over the 70.3 mile course. Thanks my man, you did an awesome job.

Also Mandy supports rookie pros and again she had some fast cats. The fastest cat on the female side was Liz Fedofsky, here report is here: 

 Liz will be doing 70.3 worlds and IMAZ. You know what happens after you do Nutmegman right? you get the Nutmegman Karma. everyone who does Nutmegman has awesome things happen to them. Jordan Rapp went top 3 after Nutmegman at IMAZ and Cait Snow went onto win IMLP. One age group after leaving the race got a lotto ticket and won 15 million (unconfirmed report). One guy passed on nutmegman and was strucken down with scurvy and then later a nasaty ingrown toe nail. All I am saying is don’t jerk with the Nutmegman karma.

“Keep it steady, you were never ready.” R. Spektor

 At some point I feel asleep and didn’t awake for 11 hours. The worst post race flop out ever. And I didn’t even race! This weekend was the Nutmegman, a half ironmman distance event and for a non-racer it more of an adventure race, complete with no sleep, food problems and minor injuries (I am still chewing splinters from my hand).

 The event for me started on friday when I showed up to load up all the trailers and suvs, trucks and cars, we slept a bit then the next moring the adventure team showed up. A cat 1 roadie- silke and the usatf 50k champ the anna-christ along with a few awesome friends willing to be “all-in” all weekend. From 10 am on we never stopped working. Site construction, swim bike and run courses, plus all the million little things you never notice as an athlete unless they aren’t done. The only major issue was mill-weed a non native nightmare. We spent 5 hours pulling seaweed from the start of the swim. We made a pile 3 feet high and 8 feet wide of nasty weeds, the course was fine after 100 meters but the first 100 meters needed to be cleared by hand. I went from transition and finish line construction to aqua gardner to night security guard. Oh I did get a break with an hour long trip to get astrotuff because little burrs were at the grass edges so we got some to lay out for the swim in entrance. After a few hours of nodding off in my car it was 5 am. Time to get up and get on parking duty.

 The CREW rolled very deep and huge at at this hour started to show up. Thanks to them. All the athletes said how awesome we were. The CREW seems to be defined by high energy and more then a few athletes found the CREW’s over the top cheering the key factor in them moving forward. Good work peeps!!!!!!!!!! I hope you found is as inspiring as I do. Nothing gets me geeked to race like watching or volunteering. Also its good karma, we all race, and no volunteers means no races, so a little end of the year give back can only be good for the karma. After 24 hours of manual labor someone gave me a microphone. Sweet, I get to be a race announcer. I LOVE LOVE LOVE being a race announcer. I also think I don’t suck at it. Want a fired up, maybe funny, guy who can talk for hours? Let me know. I love it. When I am done being a pro racer that’s gonna be my next gig. The race was awesome, with some close racing for first. The batlle for first in both the male and female over all was tight as first and second were never more then a minute or so apart. It was a very fun race to call. Then there is the stream of athletes who you just cheer all along and to the finish, its so exciting. The only part that sucked was post race, when you are just cooked, nearly everyone has left and there is still the entire take down to do. That’s the only time I wanna die. Having dated a race director it has cured me of ever thinking of putting on a major event like this. Awesome race mandy, awesome job CREW, awesome job athletes who did this race! I hope you all come back and do it again and bring more people so this race grows and thrives!

So, one of you tipped me off that life coaches make way more then I charge as a tri coach. So I figured I would go that path next. But I need pratice so here are some life coaching attempts.
Yo Bro,

I hate my job. Its soul crushing and I am stuck in a cube.  What should I do?

Truly,

Monkey In a Can

Hi MIC,

Life isn’t as easy as you think. As an adult you need to weight real world needs with following your heart. I suggest you send out resumes, to find a better job that is more rewarding and balance your needs for income, debt mangement, and economic goals with personal happiness. In the meantime you should get tattoed sleeves.  Something with skulls and evil shit. H.R. Giger art would be ideal. like this:

When you feel the pressure of the walls closing in around you, roll up your sleeves. You should also do this in boring meetings. Lastly stand very close to your co workers faces and say crazy shit like “people die all the time.” Its is best in reposnse to something where it wouldn’t make sense. For example “did you see Monday night Football?”  Then walk away mumbling to yourself. This will help to keep your soul awake until you can find a better gig. In the meantime  training more on your weakest sport might be a good use of the fall. aim for 5 workouts in that displine and build volume. For swimming aim for 20k, for runnig 100k and cycling 500-700k.

Take Care,

Bro

+++

Yo Bro,

I am a 30 year old female and I just can’t get my body where I want it. I am thinking of a some surgery to make myself look and feel more pretty.

Thanks,

Plastic Or What?

Dear Paw,

Interestingly your answer is also tattoo sleeves. But first you need to train more. run and swim and bike, 6 days a week and eat less. That will get you skinny and with the money you save you can get sleeves. A back peice is also a nice opition too. We all need to feel pretty and its money well spent.

Take Care,

Bro

+++

 Yo Bro,

my girlfriend slept with a friend of mine. What should I do?

Thanks,

CHeated and Down

Dear Chad,

Some people will tell you to dump her. Others that you can take her back if she changes and it was a mistake. Regardless of what you do, you need to first sleep with her sister. You also might wanna train more to deal with the stress. Also getting a tattoo sleeves will make you hotter as chicks love a bad ass and also the pain of getting it will help release some of the pain from getting cheated on.

Take Care,

Bro

Got questions for Bro? email me at hyctn [at] aol [dot] com. Or just leave them in the comments section. I am here for you [and not legally relaiable for the results of any advice taken]

“I am not the one whos crazy. You are the one who is crazy..you say its the only solution to save me from myself.” -Suicidal Tendencies
Kate who married Voodoo Philsnapped a few pics at the Might Hamptons. They were meant to be part of the story that is over on www.xtri.com now but Betsy aka Best-y who runs the site lives in Houston which was smacked around by Ike like they were named Tina (what domestic violence isn’t funny) so they didn’t get put with the story when someone else posted it. Best-y safe and quick return to normal!